The CleanFreak's Demise
by Ocean of My Existence
Summary: Levi has always hated the outdoors. For reasons unknown until now, experience Levi as he has his first encounter with animals he's never seen before, realizes the true meaning of friendship, and learns that people who carry around books all the time are actually not as smart as they may seem.


**A/N:**** I know this is supering overdue (Tumblr and Mr. Procrastination are to blame), but (technically)this could be considered my first request! SHOUT OUT TO ALPACADESU! Know friend that I'm working on _Police Officers and Marshmallows _as I type this and it will–if not also horribly overdue–be posted ASAP! But anyway, a request! Its here–and its _finished_! Whoo hoo! : D *pumps fist in the air* Hopefully darling Armin-kun and Eren-kun are In Character, since I had a bit of trouble writing them. But thank the fabulous RachelPoke'Lover for this fabulous idea! Hopefully I met your expectations!**

* * *

Levi had never liked the outdoors. _That _was obvious.

To him, as he walked threw the gigantic forest of redwood trees that loomed over him like the Wall that protected the civilians more than a dozen miles away, the outdoors was where anything –good or bad–was possible. You could be attacked by mosquitoes and therefor learn what the _true_ meaning of torture felt like, or trip on a tree root and fall off a cliff; only then find out that your close friend (more like the person who was going to kill him) made the whole plan up to try and take samples of your bloo–Not a fun day, but back to the point…Levi absolutely _hated _the outdoors.

Traveling threw the colossal red-wood forest where the trainees would occasionally try to track down Titans for final exams at a light jog, Levi couldn't help notice all the animal _shit _out in the woods. Geez, what the hell did these animals eat? It seemed to be almost everywhere on the ground; staining bushes, smeared into the ground, _everywhere. _It was disgusting.

_If only I could get the lazy-ass newbies to clean forest as well…_he thought, stepping gingerly over a rather large sized clump of horse excrement–or what he called; horse shit. _Everything is so much easier when everything is clean…_

The only reason though why Levi hadn't organized a group of unlucky cadets to clean the whole woodland though was because of the sudden disappearance of Titans in the area. Originally, the quarter had been cleared off due to the godforsaken beats overcrowding the place, but now they'd disappeared entirely. From what the steel-eyed soldier had learned from a particularly annoying glasses wearing brunet; the giant man-eating monsters normally–if not never–would rarely leave a specific area where they 'stayed' unless the had eaten all the humans in the area–but with the Surveying Corpse's HQ no less then a couple miles away it would have been very unreasonable if they left as they had. Even though Hanji would have probably argued that Titan's didn't nest and have had come with a six hour-long lecture for him on the fact if he had stayed talking to the miserable woman.

So (for the reasons listed above), Levi was sent out to investigate by Commander Erwin.

Looking once again around the forest, he couldn't help but spot out a rather large number of animals as well as all the crap, which was probably where all the droppings had come from in the first place. There were deer; nibbling innocently at the grass in a clearing about fifteen meters away, however, they quickly bounded fleetingly away at the sight of him. _Good riddance…I don't need to step in anymore animal shit by the time this walk is over…_he thought prickly to himself as he walked on.

He was also able to spot a good quantity of birds of all different colors, from blue to black and one particularly tiny red one that reminded Levi of the color of almost-ripe apples. Including the fowl and the harts, there was even a porcupine or two that lumbered heavily threw the underbrush like they were as grumpy as he was. But being able to witness 'all the wonders of the forest' did nothing to raise the captain's horrible mood.

_Ugh! I hate this…_Levi thought for about the umpteenth time as he accidently ended up stepping into a pile of revolting shit again. Trying to distract himself from both the smell and the horrible self-loathing fact that he hadn't brought his 3D Maneuvering Gear to help him get over all the feces.

"All there is here is a bunch of stupid-ass animals," he muttered murderously to himself. "If I can't find anything worth 'report length' soon I might as well just go back,"

After about several more minutes of searching and when Levi seemed to be at his short-tempered wits end, he was just about to turn back when something caught his eye. Something the steel-eyed man had never seen before in his life.

_What the hell is that? _The thought tumbled into his brain like second nature as he stood there, suddenly frozen to the spot out of both curiosity and mild confusion. He could tell it was sitting–or possibly standing, Levi couldn't tell due to the distance– and was black all over, positioned on the top of a subtle hillock. Though luckily his next reaction was more civilized. Or _less _civilized for that manner.

He began to approach it, speeding up his pace to a faster jog out of interest, and stopped at the base of the small hill.

Up close to the unknown creature, Levi could now see that it was about the size of a shoebox–maybe even larger with a long white stripe going down its body from the end of its nose to the tip of its tail. It was actually rather adorable, with tiny beetle-black eyes and a small rounded body, similar to a…what animal did this creature remind him of? He couldn't remember. Being in such close proximity with the anonymous fuzzy animal seemed to make all of his troubles sink down into the depths of his subconscious. His troubles, _and_ his better judgment.

So, like a small toddler, Levi reached out his hand to investigate the creature by bending down to stroke at the strange animal's jet-black fur. The hair was thick and coarse, like a dusty old rug, or like a horses mane. It was really disturbing him that he had no idea what the animal was…

_Shit…_

Levi remembered what the brute was know. How could he have been so goddamn _stupid_?

It was a skunk.

The next words that poured out of the soldier's mouth were enough to make a sailor cower in fear.

* * *

Yet another reason for Levi to hate the outdoors.

Grappling pathetically with the door handle, the soldier had to throw his entire body against the blue entry with all his might to break it open. The skunk's stink attack had taken its toll, and made it harder for the ebony-haired man to do everything. But putting the stupid abomination aside, Levi needed to focus on the task at hand.

The _smell_.

It reeked like every living thing imaginable; rotten eggs, old socks, soured wet laundry, and even a bit of curdled milk… Levi had already thrown up. Twice.

What seemed even harder though was trying to get inside HeadQuarters. He most defiantly couldn't be seen, or else he would never hear the end of it. Hange would take the situation _way _to far, and he would have to listen to the rest of his sob-story for every day of the rest of his life. He could _not _be seen.

Therefor, trying to stumble threw the seemingly endless halls stinking bad enough to put everything in a five mile radius to tears was _not _an easy task.

Levi had already tried going to his rooms, but had needed to retrace his steps due to discovering an over enthusiastic Hange rummaging threw his things like a total stalker. _Witch_. That had left Levi with the horrible resolution to the wander the halls in search of a suitable scent cure, obviously with no success, but he knew he had to try–and after about a whole half an hour he realized how _fucking screwed _he was. _So. Fucking. Screwed. _

He knew someone would find him eventually then. Weither it be Hange, Erwin, or been that fucking Jeager boy. One of them would find him, and he would die young. Hange's stories would make sure of that.

About another fifteen minutes later or so however, Levi was finally able to trample over a sanitary supplies closet. He was saved! Reaching for the brass knob, humanities strongest soldier wrapped his fingers around it and turned.

Damn.

It was locked.

Levi swore aloud, only to find several seconds later–weather it had really been his outburst or the smell that had attracted them–that someone was coming down the hall towards him. Shit.

Ducking behind a posted plant–though why the hell Erwin had decided to put a potted plant in a fucking military base Levi did not no–barley finding enough time to squat down amongst the leaves before the figure entered the main hall. The person–or boy for that matter– was small, even smaller than Levi (who as he loathed to admit, he himself was very small). With a mop of sandy blonde hair styled into a bull-cut and wide sky-blue eyes. He had a hand cupped tight over his mouth, and his eyebrows were slanted in an expression of immense pain.

"Oh my goodness," the boy whined, voice high and immature when he spoke, almost like a girl's. Which was how Levi recognized him.

Armin Arlert.

Armin. He was always trailing around that fucking Jeager boy and the Ackerman girl. Levi remembered him because he always had a book in his hand and (if he remembered correctly) was the weakest in his Squad. When the boy spoke, a sudden idea casted light on the corporals mind: If Armin was always carrying a book, then he must be smart right?

Close enough for him.

When the little blonde boy was finally near enough that Levi could grab him without being see, he did just that. Straightening up to a hopefully threatening height (though being only 5,2 didn't help matters much) Levi yanked hard on the cadet's collar; practically dragging him in a choke hold over to a suitable hiding place in the shadow of a door, pinning him against the wall. A very shocked scared and looking Armin stared up at him, cobalt-blue eyes stretched as wide as dinner plates.

"L–Levi Heichou? W–What are you d–doing? What's t–that horrible s–smell?"

Humanities greatest soldier tightened his grip on the younger's neckband.

"It's _me_ you idiot," Levi growled savagely, eyes narrowed down to dangerous slits, voice a deadly whisper. "–And if you so much as fucking tell _anyone _about this I will personally _fucking _kill you were my _bare. Hands..._I need you to help me with something,"

Armin looked about ready to wet his sorry pants, but thankfully, after about half a minute, he slowly nodded.

"Y–Y–Yes Levi Heichou,"

The captain released his hold on the blonde's throat.

"Good. Get this smell _off _me,"

* * *

It turned out, more than six hours later, that just because someone carried a stupid book around didn't mean they were smart. Therefor, Levi was _beyond _pissed.

"I thought you were suppose to be the smart one!" Levi snarled fiercely as Armin slid threw the door for possibly the one-hundreth time that day; carrying yet another possible scent cure that, that much like the dozens of different sprays, lotions, soaps, and cleaners wouldn't work.

"I told you already! I've tried everything I can!" Armin snapped back, squirming uncomfortably while settling gingerly on the edge of his now revolting-smelling bed, holding the potential cure for his stink at arms length.

After the young blonde had agreed on helping the tortured corporal, he had resolved on taking the older male to his rooms where they hopefully (Levi was gold on that hopefully) wouldn't be soon note overheard. Despite the horrible smell and Levi's sailor mouth, it might not have actually been that awkward...If it hadn't been for his uniform.

Apparently the spray of a skunk clung to both clothes _and _skin. Both captain and cadet realizing this only after Levi had to be standing practically naked with Armin's bed sheet wrapped around his waist. Because of the height and size difference of the two, he couldn't wear Armin's clothes. Learning this only after much trial and error, Levi took the bed sheet. Making it one of the most awkward situations both Levi and the little fair-haired boy had ever been in.

Even Armin was at his wits end after the sixth hour, though he tried not to show it, holding up what looked like...glue? It could've been tape–or even a rag despite the differences between the actual objects, but Levi didn't even care at this point.

"Ymir-san had said this worked on her grand man once when she got sprayed by a skunk. At least it's something though, right?" the boy asked, still trying to remain hopelessly optimistic despite the bleakness of their situation.

"Whatever," Levi growled impatiently, taking the rag from Armin's tiny hands before begging to scrub at his bare shoulder. There was no way he was going to let the little brat clean him. No matter how unpromising his suddenly weak arms were. He spent severel minutes trying to get the stink off or out of his shoulder.

"Done. Can you smell anything?" he asked, shifting a little towards the boy with his unclothed shoulder pointed towards the other now.

Armin sniffed at the spot warily, his nose crinkling delicately a moment later with an expression of distaste across his face before raising his gaze gingerly back towards Levi.

"I think that made it worse–But with all the skunk stink in the air I can't really tell anymore,"

"Well...damn you,"

"I'm sorry, Heichou,"

The corporal didn't reply, instead, he leaned back against the fluffy but over ally stinky pillows with his forever freezing glare pasted to his face. Armin gave him a confused look. "W–What is it, Heichou?"

"Go get another one."

"Another remedy, Heichou?"

"Don't make me say it again. Go,"

The blonde looked nervous, eyes casted down to his fingers which he twiddled together restlessly. "B–But Heichou–"

_"Go,"_

"No, Levi Heichou! It sounds like someone's coming towards my rooms,"

"Fuck,"

_"Heichou!_"

"Armin? Is that you?" a familiar voice came from several doors down. A voice that made a fist clench tight around the ebony-haired man's heart and his stomach drop like a stone. Eren. If Eren _fucking _Jeager found _him _inside Armin's bedroom, smelling like a skunk and with only a bed sheet for clothing...Things would not end well. Things would end with Eren hanging from the roof with a rope around his neck.

The commander acted almost immediately, shooting up from his place on the bed like a marathon runner; frantically (though he would never admit it) scrambling with the linen blanket around his waist towards the bathroom door. Hands grappling for the brass knob clumsily but only meeting air as he tried to hasten his speed, Levi would've made it...If it hadn't been for the blanket.

_Splat. _

Humanities greatest soldier landed unceremoniously on the floor, flat on his face just as Eren _fucking _Jeager walked threw little Armin Arlet's bedroom door. But he was carrying something too...he was carrying a skunk. How?

"_Levi __Heichou?!" _the shaggy-haired boy exclaimed in unison with Armin just as the captain himself snarled. _"You!"_

"What happened here?" sea-green eyes wide as they took in the scene before him, cradling the abomination of a creature in his arms like a doll while stepping into the room. "Look what I found, Armin! It was out back behind the stables,"

The ebony-haired man let out a stream of curses in response that silenced both boys from answering, glaring daggers at both teen and beast with enough rage to send the demons of hell back into the ground. He tried in vain to stand up, but the cloth he had tripped on had somehow gotten his feet entangled with one another, preventing him from so much as wiggling his toes. He swore again.

Armin, at the sight of the skunk in Eren's arms, gave Levi a horrified sideways look, raising his hands up in a defensive position when the creature began to squirm.

"Do you know what it is?" Eren asked in amazement as he put the black-striped animal down, letting it scurry on tiny fat legs over to none-other than the man on the floor who it had made his day a living hell.

The skunk, moving up close to Levi so that they were at eye-level to each other; blinking up at him with adorable (not in Levi's mind of course, but in Eren's) shining black eyes...Licked Levi on the nose.

The steel-eyed man stared at the beast incredulously...Was it apologizing?

As if to answer the soldier's question, it showered Armin, Eren, and Levi with a fresh layer of stinking spray. Snuggling Levi like a loving parent.

Yet another reason for Levi to hate the outdoors.

* * *

**R&R? How was that? :D **


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